FailCake is Fail.
June 30, 2009, 3:03 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

 

A little medicine for an angsty cook.

A little medicine for an angsty cook.

 

It’s my birthday today.

So, after a horrifying day of wrangling an angry toddler and attempting to make sense of the DMV…Oh, I am sorry, Washington. The Department of Licensing.

After a day like I’ve had I decide I am going to bake myself a birthday cake. Yeah, me. Failbaker should be my name. I’m not precise. I’m inattentive. I substitute just because I want to. But today, I promised myself, I would do none of those things. I had the recipe! Oooh, it sounds good. Grandma’s Lime Cake. I love grandmas, I love limes. I love frosted things. It should have been perfect.

But instead of eating cake I am drinking boozythings. I don’t know what went wrong, honestly. I think I need classes in baking. I just stink at it so royally, it’s embarassing.

So make me feel better! It’s my birthday, tell me what YOU stink at in the kitchen!

Oh, in case you’re wondering what’s in the glass:

1 shot dark rum

1/2 shot 99 bananas

glass the rest of the way full with blood orange italian soda.

I rimmed the glass with sugar, which I don’t think you can see. Garnish with fruity, frilly things and drown your cooking sorrows. But don’t forget to share them here first!

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8 Comments so far
Leave a comment

I’m so sorry the cake went bad! As a special birthday present, I offer you the most detailed instructions if you decide to give it another go, ok? Please, live a comment at my blog or send me an email!

Paula

Comment by thecookieshop

That is honestly one of the sweetest offers I have ever had! I’ll shoot you an email later, Paula. Thank you!

Comment by therecoveringvegetarian

soo sorry about your cake. umm… my home made flour tortillas always come out to thick :/ they always end up like the ones on taco bell chalupas, lol
but anyway this stuff happens don’t be discouraged keep trying. it may not have been your mistake. maybe there was a mistake in the recipe. i’ve had that happen a couple times.

Comment by Kelly

I’m pretty sure the recipe is good, I am just so so so awful at baking it almost isn’t funny. I’m going to give it another go, though. I want a big fluffy tasty lime cake in my kitchen, and soon!

Comment by therecoveringvegetarian

I’m with you on the baking. Baking is precise. Follow instructions. Measure acurately. Cooking is creative… dabble and mix and experiment.
My joke in the kitchen is that I can make creme brulee in my sleep… but I cannot hard boil an egg to save my life.

Comment by Lisa Thornsberry

The funny part is, I can do bread! And very well, too. Just any sort of sweet baked item, utter fail. So pathetic. :D

Comment by therecoveringvegetarian

I once made brownies so bad the dog wouldn’t eat them. Wretched is too kind of a description. I will say that they included whole wheat flour (my idea) and cornflakes (the author’s idea).
Yes. Cornflakes were listed in the recipe. They were supposed to be “healthier”.
Duncan Hinds is my go-to brownie man now, and they still come out either goo balls or bricks.
Also, for the first 8 years of marriage, I could pave sidewalks with my hot, home-baled bread bricks. I finally licked that one, but I stay away from brownies.

Comment by Maven

I tried to make a cake for Artem’s birthday last year and it came out burnt. D: I have an idea of what went wrong, but the only cakes that have really come out well for me are undoctored box mixes, which embarrasses me, lol. He ate it anyway and swears it was delicious. :)

Comment by Gail




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